‘What happens online stays online’ and other cyberbullying myths, debunked

1.       What happens online stays online

Bullying is enabled by technology, but has its roots deep in the human psyche. There are many reasons why kids may engage in bullying behavior. Digital platforms like social media can enable them to bully others more pervasively. But Bullies may want to torment their victims in real life as well. And even if they don’t, the psychological damage they can inflict certainly has a real-world impact on their victims.

2.       It’s just kids being kids

Dismissing bullying as something kids do as a normal part of growing up can have a serious long-term impact on the social and emotional development of the individual being bullied. But cyberbullying isn’t just something that happens to kids. Trolling, doxing, revenge porn and stalking are all forms of cyberbullying familiar to most of us. Two-fifths of Americans claim to have suffered online harassment.

3.       Ignore it and it will go away

This rarely works. It’s a fallacy to think that reporting bullying behavior will only make it worse. Sometimes trying to ignore it can embolden the bully if they believe their actions are having an impact. As this girl wrote on the Unicef website, only by taking concerted action and challenging the bully directly can there be hope of resolution.

4.       My child will tell me if there’s something wrong

If your child is honest and open with you 100% of the time, you’re a lucky parent. Kids move through several distinct phases, changing their psychological and emotional relationship with their parents as they go. When they move into the teenage years, they may be too embarrassed to tell you something is wrong, or too humiliated. They may not understand the gravity of what’s happening to them. Or they may worry that you’ll punish them or take their device away. Reassuring them that you are there to support, not judge or punish, is one of the best things you can do to help them open up.

5.       Remove the tech and you solve the problem

Cyberbullying is enabled by technology but it certainly doesn’t disappear if you confiscate your child’s smartphone. If they’re being bullied at school, there’ll be ample opportunities for the harassment to continue offline. Punishing your child by removing their device will delight the bully, and do nothing for your relationship with your kids.

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6.       It’s almost impossible to identify online bullies

Sometimes anonymity online does empower bullies – just as it enables cybercrime to thrive. But most bullies know their victims, whether they’re schoolmates, former friends or romantic partners. It’s true that social media and other platforms are able to unmask certain users if they are proven to have broken the terms of service through harassment or bullying.

7.       It’s easy to spot

The challenge is that cyberbullying happens virtually. It doesn’t leave physical scars, but can damage victims mentally. That makes it difficult for parents, especially if you find it tricky to talk openly with your children about feelings. So you have to get better at spotting the warning signs. Sudden changes in behavior, demeanor or academic performance may be a useful indicator. But they’re not a given. Gentle inquiry may also be necessary.

8.       Cyberbullies are evil outcasts

When cyberbullies are unmasked, the truth of their identity can often shock friends and family. Online People can say and do things that they would never do in the real world. Most bullies are doing what they do because they themselves have been bullied or abused, have low self-esteem or mental health issues, or due to peer pressure. It’s easy to portray them as the devil, especially if they’re causing harm but the truth is usually more complicated than that.

9.       Cyberbullying causes a large number of suicides

Official US data notes that 14.9% of adolescents have been cyberbullied and 13.6% of adolescents have made a serious suicide attempt. But correlation doesn’t imply causation. In fact, there are many reasons why young ones may wish to end their life, and cyberbullying may or may not be one of those reasons. At any rate, we must be alert to the dangers that persistent online harassment poses to the most vulnerable members of society.

10.   Social media platforms are to blame

Social media and messaging platforms are often demonized as “enablers” of cyberbullying. But increasingly they’re forced by legislators to better police their ecosystems. The UK’s Online Safety Act, is one of the most rigorous laws in the world, imposing a "duty of care" on certain online service providers to ensure the wellbeing of their users. Bullying isn’t always easy to spot. Context, nuance, slang and linguistic idiosyncrasies can be difficult for algorithms to detect accurately. But they’re getting better at doing so. At any rate, it is important for parents to talk to their children about the risks and pitfalls of social media.

"No parent wants their child exposed to cyberbullying. But if the alternative is to cocoon them away without access to the digital world, that could do more harm than good. The key is to keep the eyes open for any warning signs, keep an open dialogue, and offer emotional (and technical) support. Devise a plan and work the problem together as a team," concludes Phil Muncaster..